Crazy People I May or May Not Be Related To

I was going to write a post about swimming with some children who will be beaten up on the playground in the future because they have some seriously screwed up names.  I mean, Isis.  WTF??

But then my crazy aunt came to visit and I knew swimming could never live up to the stuff that is happening right this frigging minute.

You see, my crazy aunt is not even my aunt.  She is my mother's cousin.  But I have always called her aunt so there you go.  When the kids were babies she sort of decided, despite living 4 states away, that my children were her grandchildren.  She doesn't have any of her own and lives 4 states away so I figured it was mostly harmless and let it continue.

She came to visit with my uncle-who-is-not-really-my-uncle back then.  And during a nighttime feeding argued with me about washing her hands with actual soap and water.  At two in the morning, when I haven't had more than 3 hours of consecutive sleep for 2 months, it is not wise to argue with me.  I might have been a little testy.

But, in my defense, if you come over to eat at my house, I would offer you the same courtesy by washing my  hands before feeding you.  I don't think I was really asking too much that she do the same for my 2 month old, preemie, babies.

Then, there was going to be some weather.  The weather guys were predicting it.  Having lived in the area, I wasn't overly concerned that there might be a little snow.  And my "aunt" and "uncle" live in a colder portion of the country so snow should not have been that overly concerning for them either.  But I guess it was, because between that early feeding and the next morning when I awoke, refreshed from my 2 hour nap, they had left to "beat the weather:"  SMH.

Fast forward a few years and my crazy aunt has come to visit us every year at least once a year.  Sometimes she shows up for birthdays.  She and my uncle don't believe in staying in hotels when there is 'family' in town so they camp out at my parents' house and expect royal treatment.  And they have dietary restrictions so they expect special food.  And my crazy 'aunt' is hard of hearing.  So you find yourself repeating whatever you said several times as she mouths along with you.  That is the only time I am slightly sure that she understood whatever I said.

During the past visits my aunt has relayed to me how many people to whom she has given pictures of my children.  "I printed out too many pictures from your last post on facebook and didn't know what I would do with them all!  But you know, I managed to give them all away before I got here!!!"  She tells me this over and over again, gleefully.  She lives several states away and stays with friends and family to extend her visit to weeks which means no less than 50 people could have these prized pictures.  So I apologize to all the strangers in the mid-west who have been forced to accept a photo of my children.

And there was the time that she told me she took a picture of my house.  "Oh, I drove over this morning before you were up and took a picture.  And then I took a picture of your neighbor's house.  They have such a lovely garden!"  

I just have no words for this.  This is strange, right?  If she had said, "And then I sneaked into your room while you were sleeping to snap a few more shots!" I would not have been surprised at that point.

Please wish me luck.  This is just the first day.  This visit should last 4 more days.  My kids will leave for camp for the last two and my mom is leaving to care for a sick relative in one more day.  By Friday it will be me and my dad waiting on entertaining my crazy aunt.  

P.S.  You won't believe this but when my crazy aunt sat next to me at dinner last night, in a restaurant, she took a bite of my meal before I did.  No joke.  I kept looking around the restaurant to see if anyone else had witnessed the crazy people moment!